Mum and Daughter –Carine and her mother Odile
Carine Le Breton Ah Youne is our Ambassador in Mauritius. Having shared some of her life in Mauritius last issue, she paints a picture of her experiences in having the same cancer as her mother.
When I look back, I was very lucky to have a great relationship with my mum. It was so lucky that we were very close, so we felt we could share with each other exactly what we were going through. There was anger, distress, disappointment, frustration, anxiety and fear to name just a few. Because we were so close, we were very open with each other. To be able to share like that with your ill parent without any need to hide your feelings is a great gift And for her, to express her feelings with no doubt that they might not be respected was so helpful. I remember my mom saying, the body is just an envelope, it’s what we have inside our heart which is the most important.
We were so strong in front of others, because we were together in that illness.
When she had had enough of fighting, of going for more chemo and medication, I was ready in my head and my heart and my soul was in total communion with her. From that day, our talks and shares were different. Deeper and in great peace. We even discussed her ending openly and organised her funeral together. I have beautiful memories.
After she passed away, I had the feeling that she was always with me, on me, in me. A strange feeling. Sometimes, it was heavy, as if she didn’t want to go and was holding onto me.
This is why I ran that 1st Moka trail with her. I made a pact with her on that starting line. “We will do it up to the end but after that I don’t want to sense her like that. Strange feeling and can’t really explain that feeling. Even stranger is the fact that the moment I passed that finish line, I felt so light suddenly and since that day, I feel the same.
Each time I go running, I have a butterfly who accompanies me for some kilometres. And when I wish I could see her just a moment, I have butterflies flying around me.
On the 19th of October, 2016, I was diagnosed with breast cancer just one year after my mom died of that same cancer.
With my husband, we decided to go both for total ablation and reconstruction. Yes, my body is not beautiful but my face and eyes are the reflexion of my soul and heart.
Being a mother of three children, it was hard to leave them behind in Mauritius and go for South Africa for the operation. It meant being on my own for three weeks, but gave me the time to go deep down inside and reconnect with myself. I think that when you are in those moments, you need to stay focused on what you are. It was not an easy time: I got septicaemia one month after the operation on my right breast and nearly lost the reconstruction. I had to have another operation. As I was back in Mauritius, a local surgeon did a great job and I managed to keep my nipple and the silicone. It meant I was on strong medication for 3 months.
When we are in these difficult times, we fight for ourselves. Family and friends are around us but it’s how we feel about ourselves. I fought for me first. I focused on my qualities. I took the time to see that there were people around me. And I was grateful for so much.
With my experience, today I have more compassion for those who are going through difficult times. I feel the need to be present for family members who have to deal with the cancer of their loved ones. With the oncology massage that I offer, I feel connected. My touch is deep and reassuring.
It was a great gift to accompany my mum and to be ill myself because I understand the patient and I understand their family.
There is a reason why I went through it and today I know why!!!
Carine