Lisa Alsford is our SME for Beauty andNail Technology.
Too busy to think, too busy to stop and realise each day was full to the brim of activity. This was life before lockdowns, restrictions and closures. Life before covid.
Life.
It seems bizarre to think of the long days of back-to-back clients and I miss it. I miss the buzz of the conversation and the challenge, relieving stress, soothing souls and creating whimsical nail art. I miss the variety. I miss the light-hearted conversations. I miss not having to think or face the silence of an empty treatment room.
Lockdown number one brought opportunity. The chance to connect more with my students and my new team of trainers that we just established. 2020 was meant to be the year they evolved and grew into fledgling nail technology trainers for their own students. A chance for them to fly higher with the Training Tribe Trainer program. My vision clear and my plan made, I had bums on seats and a huge amount of energy to invest in their progress. During the first lockdown I tirelessly made videos, hosted zoom meetings, and went live on social media. I mentored and coached, guided and held a torch for those in need. My clients, students and friends could join in and converse, laugh and plan for the day we could open our doors again. Everyone in the country was in the same situation. All sectors closed for three weeks to flatten the curve. The guidelines very clear, no dissent and no hint of anarchy.
Then started the rollercoaster of open, close, open, close. Tier what? Oh, my days… Confusion, some people working, some people paid to stay home, SEISS payments and grants, bounce back loans and the age of the “new normal”. I prepared my premises as required by the government (which wasn’t that different from usual). I paid over the odds for PPE due to the massive hike in prices and took the hit financially to ensure that I could protect myself and my clients as much as possible. Waiting for the announcement, pacing my treatment room. Checking and double checking that everything was ready. I reorganised my diary to allow for the new guidelines of time between clients for cleaning and sanitising, and for adequate time for myself to adjust.
It felt strange being back at work because of face coverings, exemptions, hand sanitiser, Covid questions. Conversation slipped rapidly into discussions of lockdown life, political commentary, hidden smiles replaced by frowns. Rashes, chapped hands, stress, insomnia, financial woes… The list of issues growing for each of my clients.
Isolation brought on depression which I tried to help with, but I knew my “think positive attitude” and mantras would only soothe temporarily. Confusion and anger started to grow inside me, stress and anxiety rising, the threads unravelling. This was the start of the slip into the shadow aspects of Lisa. The healer suddenly had no one to heal, the victim had every opportunity to blame everyone else and demand pity, the avenger threw out the scales of justice and wanted to burn the establishment to the ground. As healers we all want to heal others, but are we prepared to undergo healing ourselves?
The dormancy of lockdown left a wide-open space for me to address the issues I know I complained about on more than one occasion. Too busy to study, too busy to organise, too busy to read or research when in reality I procrastinated and revelled in being able to use being busy as an excuse. The excuses gone, the apathy crept in. With no clients I began to see myself more clearly. I saw the gaping holes, the empty space, far from balanced, far from healed. If I was feeling lost, alone, and isolated given all my knowledge and education in wellness then what hope for my clients? I battled with the dark demons of depression, the shaking, unsettled, anxiety coursing through my veins and as darker, colder days approached, the prognosis worsened. I shut off from the world. I headed into social hibernation. I became the hermit. Each visit to the supermarket summoned stronger anxiety. Not only my own, but the broader social anxiety.
I felt the sadness, the stress, and the worry of the now expressionless shoppers. For the first time in over a decade a panic attack took hold. What I’m saying is that I hadn’t really dealt with my own shortcomings, mental health battles or physical pain. Using my skills to help others was not the panacea I believed, it was a plaster over the still raw wounds. You know that you rarely take time to lavish on yourself, the self-care you preach to your clients. You sweep your own problems under the appointment book and conveniently forget to process them before switching off the lights. I hold my hands up right now. This was me. This is you. The time has come to stop, take stock and deal with it. Healer heal thyself, because this episode will end, and we will be needed more than we ever have been. The need and demand for healing by individuals, communities and countries around the world will be as desperate as your mind dare glimpse. It is the calm before the storm and rally we must. We need to reach out and connect with healers of all modalities. Research trauma, PTSD, the outer edges of desperation. Tackle new treatments or refresh your knowledge. Do whatever you need to make ready.
Lisa J Alsford
https://highermknailsbeauty.co.uk/